Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker are some creepy looking people. Let me rephrase that. What in the fuck HAPPENED to these people? Has there ever been a creepier TV couple? Donny and Marie, possibly. Ooh, I’ve got it! The Menendez brothers! Yeah, they were pretty fucking creepy, as I recall. But Jim and Tammy? The ultra-mother-effin’ creepiest. Yeuuungh! Because of transparently evil Christians like the vomitworthy Bakkers, Jesus is definitely frowning on all of us (and being genuinely creeped out) most of the time. Man, have I been on a Jesus kick lately. I’ve just finished reading the New Testament again, this time crudely translated into half-cowboy speak. It’s from the Cowboy Church of Llano, Texas. I swear to God. It’s a huge barn, with sawdust and hay covering the floor, out in the middle of nowhere. Okay, I’m going to stop writing descriptions of individual tracks for awhile, so I can serve up the songs more quickly. In no particular order: 13 Classics of the Jesus Hit Parade, Part 1.

Jim & Tammy & Their Friends - “Oops, There Comes a Smile” / Nick Cave - “Jesus Met the Woman at the Well” / The Vaselines - “Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam” / Beulah - “Me and Jesus Don’t Talk Anymore” / The Jones Brothers - “Look to Jesus” / The Click Kids - “Happy Happy Christians” / The Wesley Willis Fiasco - “Jesus is the Answer” / Kinky Friedman - “High on Jesus” / Carman - “Addicted to Jesus” / King Missile - “Jesus was Way Cool” / The Gold Coast Singers - “Plastic Jesus” / Venetian Snares - “Underground Circus Jesus” / Blind Roosevelt Graves & Brother - “Woke Up This Morning (With My Mind on Jesus)“