C’mon. You didn’t think I’d let you off the hook so easily, did you? We’re still at war. Still. Quite possibly forever. And who the Hell knows? Maybe we’ll fuck with Iran next. It’s been mentioned by those in the know as a tempting alternative to our survival. Aren’t Republicans great? Don’t they deserve a giant, arsenic-loaded cookie for getting us into this shit? Don’t they deserve a big, fat, Nuremberg-style hanging for making us look like birdbrained assholes to all of the formerly indifferent brown people of the world? Big time losers, that’s what we are. Inexpiable, money-grubbing whores, minus all the glitz. And no, I never said that EMI was responsible for the Iraq war. Learn to read, Mr. and Mrs. Gumshoe. Here are some more Christmas songs (and some not-so-Christmas songs) that a few of you may enjoy. I’d like to thank my friends Nick, Brian, Chuck, Sarah, Josh, and Alex for sharing a few of these, and wish them—and the rest of you—the greatest mass extinction this species has ever known. 67 Tracks to Help You Maintain Inner Peace Following Your Virtuously Dispassionate Holiday Killing Spree, Part 1.

Screamer Clauz - “The Twelve Days of Ax-mess” / The Louvin Brothers - “Satan is Real” / Jeanie Tracy - “Making New Friends” / Roy Smeck - “Limehouse Blues” / Ted Atking & Alain Feanch - “Children’s Carnival” / David Rose - “Waltz of the Bubbles” / Hector Lavoe - “La Fama” / Prum Manh - “Two Wives are Twice the Problem” / Willie Nelson - “Denver” / Les Baxter - “A Distant Star” / Bobby Beausoleil & the Freedom Orchestra - Lucifer Rising  OST - “Movement the Fourth” / Charles Manson - “Cease to Exist” / Hunter S. Thompson - “Keeping Jesus in Reserve” / Jonathan Richman & the Modern Lovers - “Rockin’ Shoppin’ Spree” / Moondog - “Dance Rehearsal” / Lee Perry & the Sensations - “Don’t Blame the Children” / Chick Corea - “Children’s Song #6” / Frightmare - “Black Christmas” / Wednesday 13 - “Buried by Christmas” / James Brown - “Christmas in Heaven” / The Night Hawks - “Chicken Grabber” / Legendary Tiger Man - “Fuck Christmas, I Got the Blues” / ATM - “If You Play ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’ One More Time, I am Going to Fucking Kill You” / Jodie Foster - “La Vie C’est Chouette” / Sonarphonics - “Battle for the Planet of Bass” / Murder Squad - “How Can There Be Christmas If There is No Peace?” / Sugar Minott - “Jah Jah Children” / Los Fossiles - “Nena!” / Culturcide - “Depressed Christmas” / Fear - “Fuck Christmas (Clean Side)” / Kid 606 - “All I Wanted for Christmas was My Braces Off” / Antonio Carlos Jobim - “Children’s Games” / The Vibrators - “Baby Baby” / Mountain - “Blood of the Sun” / Richard Pryor - “Hillbillies” / Jet Boys - “Merry Christmas, Fuck You” / The Postmen - “Children’s Song” / The Dead Kennedys - “I Kill Children” / The Black Brothers - “School Children” / Carl Perkins - “All Mama’s Children” / Thelonious Monk & John Coltrane - “Off Minor” / Josh Wentz & Jeff Lasala - “Blitzen” / Larry Harlow - “Congo Bongo” / The Upsetters - “Freak Out Skank” / World Column - “So is the Sun” / The Raymen - “Hillbilly Werewolf” / Kool G Rap - “It’s a Shame (Da Butcher’s Mix)” / Cast of Twin Peaks  - “The Twelve Days of Christmas” / Peter & the Test Tube Babies - “I’m Getting Pissed for Christmas” / Mossilene Miles - “Let’s All Sing Like the Birdies Sing” / Unknown - 100 Songs for Kids  - “Chicken Dance” / The Frogs - “Children Run Away (The Man With the Candy)” / Roy Harper - “In the Time of Water” / Bob Egan - “An Airport Bar on Christmas Day” / ICP - “Murder City Christmas” / Donny Hathaway - “Come Little Children” / The Kinks - “Father Christmas” / Vernon Dalhart - “The Runaway Train” / Twinkle - “A Lonely Singing Doll” / Laurie Johnson - “Shopping Spree” / X-Ray Spex - “Warrior in Woolworth’s” / Eldridge Holmes - “Pop Popcorn Children” / Fear - “Fuck Christmas (Unclean Side)” / Yma Sumac - “Taki Rari” / Roy Smeck - “Shuffle Off to Buffalo” / Clarence Carter - “Back Door Santa” / The Flaming Lips - “Free Radicals (A Hallucination of the Christmas Skeleton Pleading With a Suicide Bomber)“