Classic Head Explosions
Let me be clear: this is one of the worst horror movies ever, but it definitely packs some punches. It’s directed by Jim Wynorski, known for tackling sequels that no one else was crazy enough to touch, like Return of Swamp Thing, 976-EVIL II, and Ghoulies IV, as well as straight-to-video softcore skin flicks such as The Bare Wench Project, Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade, The Witches of Breastwick, The Breastford Wives, and House on Hooter Hill. Adding to its cult status are cameos by Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel, reprising their roles as the Blands from Eating Raoul, and the one and only Dick Miller, who’s starred as Walter Paisley in no less than six films, including The Howling and Twilight Zone: The Movie. Chopping Mall also has the distinction of having Roger Corman as its executive producer. Yes, the same Roger Corman who brought us Death Race 2000, which incidentally was directed by none other than—wait for it—Paul Bartel. Yes, the same Bartel who played Mr. McGree in Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, another Corman feature starring Mary Woronov and (you guessed it) Dick Miller. So, what’s this movie all about? Not much, I guess. A bunch of sex-crazed teenagers decide to camp out at the mall. Add some murderous robots and what do you have? Sheer inanity. In this decidedly over-the-top sequence, a scantily clad stereotypical blond gets her skull blasted off by a mechanical warrior who is only slightly more intimidating than Johnny 5. Ally Sheedy was born to play this ditz, but whatever.
Like Chopping Mall, the majority of this film takes place in a mall. However, unlike Chopping Mall, this one actually deserves to be called a film. Zombie movies really don’t get any better than this. Following the international success of Night of the Living Dead, director George A. Romero gave us classics like Martin and his 1974 made-for-TV documentary O.J. Simpson: Juice on the Loose, but Dawn of the Dead is the picture that ultimately re-established Romero as the master of American shock cinema. Many people like to point to the film’s satirical elements, yet nothing has contributed to its endurance more than its graphic depictions of undead mayhem. So extreme is the carnage, in fact, that few movies have topped it since. Hell, we can sum this up in seven words. Loads of gore, courtesy of Tom Savini. In 1968, Variety referred to Night of the Living Dead as “an unrelieved orgy of sadism.” God knows what they thought of this film. Probably something along the lines of “an irremissible escapade of cannibalistic assfucking.”
3. Scanners
What self-respecting list of cinematic head explosions would be complete without mention of this David Cronenberg classic? Well, okay… it’s not his best work by a long shot, but it does feature the most famous melon-splattering this side of Gallagher’s standup routine. Quite a few people seem to think that Scanners is Cronenberg’s first movie, but he started making films in 1966, a full two years before George Romero. His films throughout the ’70s were funded in part by the National Film Board of Canada. Still, he wouldn’t become known internationally until 1977’s Rabid, starring porn queen Marilyn Chambers, a film that deserves credit as Cronenberg’s first truly deranged effort. Produced by Ivan Reitman, Rabid tells the story of a woman critically injured in a motorcycle accident. After undergoing some plastic surgery, her armpit turns into a blood-sucking rectum containing a penis-like antenna, which she uses to turn the people of Montreal into flesh-eating zombies. Anyway, it’s worth renting, but Scanners is where Cronenberg’s technical ability and trademark pacing really begin to shine through. This scene, by the way, features the talents of Dick Smith, who is best known for the gruesome make-up effects used in The Exorcist.
4. Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
Man, this flick is hilariously disgusting. And if you thought the gore in Peter Jackson’s early films was out of control, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Gouged out eyeballs, liquefied fists, massive holes punched into people’s stomachs, faces brutally ripped off, people shoved into industrial meat grinders, and intestinal strangulation are just a few of the many far-fetched highlights of this modern comedic masterpiece. Based on the popular Japanese comic book of the same name, Riki-Oh was one of the first movies in Hong Kong to be given the equivalent of an X-rating without featuring any explicit sexuality. It flopped at the box office, which is a total shame, given the film’s gleeful absurdity and completely unrealistic depiction of violence. Still, it’s become a cult classic throughout the world, and will always be regarded as one of the best live-action manga adaptations. This scene is particularly well-known in the States as the lead-in to the “Five Questions” segment on The Daily Show, back when Craig Kilborn was host. I don’t really know what else to say. The clip speaks for itself.
I’ve never been a Wes Craven fan. I really enjoyed Last House on the Left, his sexploitation remake of Bergman’s Virgin Spring, but I always thought that Freddy Krueger was the stupidest movie monster imaginable. Murderous antiheroes shouldn’t throw around sassy one-liners. End of story. They should be dispassionate killing machines and nothing more. Even Jaws: The Revenge is better than the Nightmare franchise. I mean: why would a pedophilic serial killer make so many pop culture references? That said, I have to give Craven props for this inspired sequence, which features Kristy “Buffy” Swanson and the always delightful Anne Ramsey, better known as Mama Fratelli from The Goonies. I won’t even bother setting this clip up, because it’s so much funnier if you don’t have any idea what’s going on. The story’s plenty convoluted, and at the moment I just don’t feel like thinking about it. Apart from this wildly enthralling onscreen fatality, Deadly Friend is even worse than Chopping Mall. Seriously. All kidding aside. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.
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