As some of you know, I live right in the heart of downtown Denver. In preparation for the Democratic National Convention, the city has spared no expense, installing thousands of cheap spy cameras and fire hydrants, removing trash cans, encouraging military helicopters to buzz the skyscrapers with no lights on, setting up police checkpoints—just the sort of arrogant and mostly ineffective bullshit you’d expect. And in all of Denver, you’d be hard pressed to find a man stupider than professional mouth-breather Dan Caplis. I’ve hated Caplis ever since I first heard his whining little bitch of a voice, and for the past couple of years I’ve pranked him as often as possible, with virtually no attention paid to his toadying Pretendocrat co-host, Craig Silverman, who can best be described as a mustachioed Master Billy Quizboy impersonator with a microprotonian brain resembling liquefied goat testicles. A few months ago, following a particularly imbecilic radio skit in which Democrats were repeatedly compared to Satanists, I made this call. I was astonished at how long they let me ramble on before finally cutting me off, especially since Caplis spent the better part of the show licking Mitt Romney’s asshole. But just earlier this morning, the pair of supposedly unbiased Neocon hatemongers made their big debut on C-SPAN, and take a wild guess who managed to share in the glory. The funny thing about this second call is that, moments after I accused Republicans of mischaracterizing their opponents, our pusillanimous friend Caplis went on record to call Obama “a dangerous and scary radical.” Who made whose point, Danny? Seriously, grow some tits already, you plastic-plated replicant.