I first heard these tracks back in 1993. This is all that remains of a few cassettes’ worth of material by some kids at the Texas School for the Blind, recorded with the help of John Hawkins of the band Crust.  I haven’t spoken to John in years, but I’ve been trying to locate him since January to identify these kids, as well as the other performers. One of my friends thinks that the recordings may also feature members of Cherubs, which doesn’t seem too far-fetched. The third track is a 40 minute rant by a very angry young man, who astringently criticizes several unnamed people, as well as his dog, Lily. His accusations are sometimes justified (”You’re not supposed to beat up T.J. He’s hurt now!”) though often bizarre (”I told you not to kill Selena!”). There are several moments when he completely loses it and begins screaming, and he also makes plenty of increasingly humorous references to “Gretchen’s house,” which begins to make Gitmo sound like a walk in the park. The first track seems to be a collection of the angry man’s greatest hits set to music, albeit with considerably less screaming. The fourth track is one of the silliest versions of “The Star Spangled Banner” you’re likely to hear.  But track two is one of my all-time favorite songs, a soulful number about Reba McEntire, a lot of beer, robots, dinosaurs, Dracula, murder, Uncle Raymond, The People’s Court,  and Arsenio Hall.  If anyone has any additional information concerning these recordings, please contact me.

  01. Track 1
  02. Track 2
  03. Track 3
  04. Track 4

  This is possibly the most inelegant tribute album ever. Following the attacks on 9/11, we Americans were predictably inundated with all sorts of ultranationalist gobbledegook and garbage. I still have my “Operation Infinite Justice” t-shirt to prove it. But what we never could’ve foreseen was the xenophobic reprehensibility of this singular memorial, which for the time being we’ll simply refer to as America’s at War.  These songs appear to have been written by a meritmongering cankerworm with a severe developmental disability. The album opens with the memorable line: “On September 11th of 2001 / When we turned on the TV it was not fun.”  Seriously.  Our singer dedicates the fourth track to Osama bin Laden, and refers to him as an “uncircumcised heathen infidel.”  Later in the same song, he explains to Osama how the “carcasses” of he and his evil cohorts will be used to feed “the birds of the air.”  C’mon!  What of all the flightless birds?  This guy is such a flag-waving ponce, we’ll be damned lucky if this album doesn’t inspire future terrorist attacks on American soil.  Must be heard to be believed: “Let us all show them this is not the Middle East / God bless America, let’s take care of the beast.”  If any of you have any idea who this is, please drop me a line.

  01. Track 1
  02. Track 2
  03. Track 3
  04. Track 4
  05. Track 5
  06. Track 6
  07. Track 7
  08. Track 8
  09. Track 9

  This is the first in a series of unidentified recordings that I’ll be sharing with you. These vocal cords are believed by a few people to belong to someone named Chris Stines, but ultimately the singer’s identity remains a mystery. The disc was discovered sometime during the turbulent 1990s by an anonymous technician working for a CD mastering and duplication service in or near Worcester, Massachusetts.  It is not known whether it was intended for release by Mr. Stines, and my best guess is that it is at least ten years old.  It seems as if Chris knows these songs fairly well, in spite of his frequently off-key vocalization, so it’s also unclear whether he had anything to do with the songwriting. Some of the sequences seem vaguely familiar to me, but I can’t place them. Kind of a cross between Sade and Guitar Center’s hold music.  Due to the condition of the CD, the final song is chock full of encoding problems. I’m trying to obtain another copy along with the cover art through a friend of a friend, and will continue to attempt to locate Mr. Stines. Any help is greatly appreciated. Please email me with any pertinent info. A prize of some sort may be awarded, as well.

  01. Track 1
  02. Track 2
  03. Track 3
  04. Track 4
  05. Track 5
  06. Track 6
  07. Track 7
  08. Track 8
  09. Track 9
  10. Track 10
  11. Track 11
  12. Track 12

  Update: since we posted this to WFMU this morning, I’ve been informed that the accompaniment for the first track is Paul Hardcastle’s song “Rain Forest,” which was released in 1985.  Upon further inspection, it seems like Hardcastle may have unwittingly provided the music for the entire project.  If any of you have additional information regarding the other tracks, it may prove useful in determining the age of this recording.  I guess we can assume that this collection was intended as a demo, or to be sold in limited number.  (Update to the update: Chris had 1,000 copies made; 500 on CD and 500 on cassette.)  Also, I previously identified the language as “some kind of French glossolalia,” which is my funny way of saying “I have no idea what language this is, but it sounds an awful lot like mangled French to me.”  I have since been told that it is Creole, possibly from the French Antilles or Haiti.  If any of you polyglots can tell me what Mr. Stines is saying, it may help to locate him. According to one source, Chris also used to host a late night television show in Boston. I’m going out on a limb and guessing cable access, but the report is unconfirmed. Bostonians, send me video.