The Beachles

  Click here to avoid this nonsense and listen to some free music.


  If you’re looking for the Beachles, try searching torrent sites like Isohunt, PirateBay, PirateNova, MiniNova, MegaNova, TorrentSpy, or What.CD. I have no idea if the record can still be found at any of these websites, but I don’t think I’m breaking any laws by telling you that they’re excellent places to look for illegal stuff you’re not supposed to download. Also, you might try using P2P clients like Soulseek or LimeWire, but I don’t have a clue.

  Click here to listen to an interview I did for Canadian radio. Thanks, Aaron! I may post more if they are sent my way.

  Click here to download a new track I made called “Fuck EMI.” Me vs. EMI vs. King Tubby vs. Jatin Lalit vs. Sergio del Rio vs. Fernandinho Beatbox vs. Herb Alpert. I made this mix in about an hour, so don’t expect the Beachles or anything. Dig it, spin it, throw it around.

  Click here to send an email to EMI US Legal. Or, you can simply write EMI / Capitol an appurtenant letter:

        EMI Group plc
        27 Wrights Lane
        London W8 5SW

  If you care at all about freedom of thought, freedom of expression, or your digital rights, please take the time to write letters to any and every news outlet regarding this case. It’s never too late to show these guys what we’re made of, and we’re just getting started!

  I have received a cease and desist order from EMI’s legal team, and it really (as in: not joking) sounds like they want to torture me to death in some dungeon. I hope Paul and Brian come to my rescue now, ’cause I haven’t got a dime for these guys to take. I’ve been struggling as an artist for years, putting most of what little money I’ve had into recording my own music. The Beachles are still out there, though. If you want to break the law, check ’em out. They’ve threatened to sue me big time.

  And for what? For making something? So others would look at them as inhuman monsters, utterly incapable of recognizing art? Or is it just the distribution? Nope… all three. Or so it would seem. I shouldn’t have even made  it, they claim. And they want me to give up people’s IPs. That much I can tell you because of some legal humfuddery I dreamt up, but also (and more importantly) because I have a conscience. After all, would any of you want to be sued for following a link from Entertainment Weekly ? For the record, I never sold a single copy of this piece of art—if it is  art. Fair use, in your face, come and get me. You can not take my life, Capitol Recordings. Unless you do. Could happen. I wouldn’t put it past you.

  Would any of you want to be investigated for streaming one of these songs from a blog or website? Even if you never visited this  site? Because EMI’s attorneys, in no uncertain terms, are saying that they want ALL information regarding ANY and ALL persons who, knowingly or elseways, downlaoded or streamed this media. Forget about your rights, because they don’t exist. Even if you just accidentally clicked a link to a streamable MP3, they want your name, your address, everything that I might have to give to them. I have already told them once, but I’m now telling them again, on the record, to get bent. This isn’t their Universe anymore, and even if no one else will stand with me against the corporate ogres, I will fight this battle ’til my dying breath, stabbing, perhaps ineffectually, at the stinking feet of their unthinkable contemptuousness. They’ve picked on the wrong guy this time. I’m a Leo, but I ain’t so cowardly. Rawr!

  But another thing is: what’s it worth to them? The distribution of this mutant offspring in no way detrimentally affected the sales of the Beatles, the Beach Boys, the Go-Gos, Gary Numan, or any number of the huge list of other Kapital artists whose work, as you all know, was used for material on this website. If anything, it’s boosted sales… people couldn’t wait to hear the originals after listening to the Beachles! I bought all of the material I used; probably the sixth or seventh time I’ve owned Sgt. Pepper’s  on disc, since CDs, as we all know, provide a lifetime of listening enjoyment, and possibly the fifth or sixth time for Pet Sounds.

  And frankly, just who in the Hell do you think you are to say what’s allowed to be made? You pump the slurry of incompetence down the sputtering, overstuffed chullet of your little mass consumerism Worldwide Freak Police Deadly Gangster Frankenstein Computer God Communism slave-machine every single day. It is you, sirs and madams, who deserve to be sued, or tried and hung, by every single one of them, for making them settle for trash for so very long. You rob them of their dreams and identities every day, O Faceless One, you disappoint them, and truly you are unashamed. You are incapable of having a heart, and that is why you could never be human. C’est la vie. You are who and what you are, and nothing will ever change that. I could never envy you soulless bastards.

  Again, who are you to tell me what I can do with my free time? Are you THOUGHT NAZIS?! Sure the FUCK seems like it to me. And to plenty of other people, too. I’ll bet you couldn’t get it up in high school, EMI. Maybe the truth is: I’m some kind of MUSICAL TERRORIST. I know that you will try to characterize me as such, but your efforts will only serve to make the bloated and disfigured countenance of your dismal charade seem that much less ambrosial to small-town folk like me. Do You feast on the bones of children? Do You mindlessly imbibe their retch as they do Yours? You have poisoned the well, and now are made to drink from it. This is  You. It was You who destroyed my dreams, but for now I rule the Day, and I’m bigger than the Beachles ever were. Suck on that.

  We’re at War. You know: Iraq. Things suck right now, all over the World, because of nescient fatcats like You. This whole culture war is Your doing. You’re the reason smart people hate you. You phonies. You lusus naturae. You don’t care about artists and art… You only give a fuck about the bottom line of the balance sheet, and You’ve doubtlessly never experienced the thrill of creating something, even if it was scrapped together haphazardly out of something else. It’s gratifying.

  You’re a lot of crybaby nobodies, just like all of those dying crybaby somebodies you bilk around the World, every day, day in and day out, sucking them dry of their meager wealth and their dignity, stealing from them any chance to succeed as thinkers, doers, and makers. But mostly just underhandedly exploiting their weaknesses and giving back very little. I demand that you hang your heads in shame. Because of this stunt of mine, some teenagers may actually BUY your shitty 40th anniversary repackaging of Pet Sounds. The only way this could be bad for business is if you also happened to own the rights to the Beachles’ record, which you don’t. My effing mind does. Try to take that  away, Big Shots.

  You should be ashamed for accepting one form of art and not another. You made me listen to shitty records all through junior high, and now I’m finally reclaiming a bit of my own integrity. FUCK Crowded House. And oh my God, I almost forgot… Sheena Fucking Easton. Jesus Christ, my skin’s crawling. Daily, you “people” force-feed innocent children your vomitous noise pollution, and then you expect for them to grow up normal? I’m a reflection of you. But I’ll always love the Beatles and the Beach Boys. Who wouldn’t? You’ll never get me alive, Copper!

  If you want for me to take this message off of my website, drop the charges. If you want for me to reimburse you for your “losses,” give me a better record deal than the ones I’ve turned down this week. It’ll be much better publicity than suing a starving artist over one of the stupidest, funniest minor success stories of the year. If you want to talk about sports, get bent. But if you want to settle this over a game of Scrabble and some drunken arm wrestling, I’m game. I will clean the floor with your lily-white asses. Ofay motherfuckers. Let’s do this thing! I mean it!

  They say their email is confidential, but it’s deliciously hateful, some of it even sarcastic. I’d like to see how legally binding it really is, but I’m not that brave. If you want juicy highlights, though, get in touch. For legal reasons, I’m not going to provide a link to my email address here, so you’ll just have to think of something. And you’ll probably have to be someone I’ve known for years. The greed is almost sexual in nature. Very disturbing. I just hope I come out of this alive. And with all of my toenails.

  Well, I guess I’m an outlaw now. And a word to anyone who disagrees: if I refuse to pay them any money, or to turn myself in, an outlaw’s what I am. They’ll have to come and get me, which is easier said than done. That line was written with tongue firmly in-cheek, but I would gladly do prison time as a show of civil disobedience. I won’t make it any easier for them, however. Believe it or not, I’m doing this for people like you—for people like everyone. I’m doing it for the dead people being sued by the RIAA, and the Grandmas who’ve never heard of Britney Spears, but who are nonetheless victims of a vicious rape-machine that is designed specifically to take, to absorb, to deceive and to extort, but never to feel. I’m doing it for all of us. Most people wouldn’t have the guts to say what I’m saying now. When’s the last time a DJ took a stand against these bastards?! The bloodsucking pirates! The insatiable mongrels!

  And you may think that I’m a bit of a bastard myself. I’m not, really, but some of you are bound to feel that way. Still, is EMI right  to sue any of us for having a good time? As mentioned before this page was preempted, no matter who you are, I’m your friend for life. I would gladly stick my neck out for any one of you who cares about little things like digital rights. And just so you know, I would hope that you’d do the same for me. Otherwise, we’d all roll over and do little tricks for these guys, and do they deserve it? What have they  done in the name of art? Except to punish those who enjoy it? And promote a vastitude of sameness? LIES!

  I have no idea what I’ll do next, but it’ll probably be from a prison cell somewhere. Thanks for listening. We love to see you smile.




  Following is an excerpt from the “cease and desist” portion of the letter, pertaining to hundreds of thousands of EMI’s customers. I am publishing it because I consider it to be a matter of public interest. Particular attention should be paid to section (c)(iii).


Demand is accordingly made that you immediately and permanently:

(a) cease and desist from the manufacture, sale, offering for sale, offering for download/streaming, and/or other reproduction and distribution of the Beachles Mash-Up Recordings and the Other Mash-Up Recordings as well as any other unauthorized uses of the Capitol Recordings and/or other sound recordings owned and/or controlled by Capitol;

(b) cease and desist from the manufacture, sale, offering for sale, offering for download, and/or other reproduction and distribution of the Infringing Artwork as well as any other unauthorized uses of the Beatles Artwork, the Beach Boys Artwork, and/or other artwork owned and/or controlled by Capitol;

(c) provide Capitol with information regarding downloading and/or streaming of the Beachles Mash-Up Recordings and the Other Mash-Up Recordings to date, including but not limited to: (i) the dates on which those recordings were streamed and/or downloaded; (ii) the number of times those recordings were streamed and/or downloaded; and (iii) any and all available information regarding persons who streamed and/or downloaded those recordings;



  Update: I have been informed by my friendly neighborhood sysadmin that records of IPs only stay on our server for three days. Since much of this Internet stuff is lost on me, there was no way for me to comply with EMI’s preposterous request to turn over the information and preserve the data. However—and it is a big however—the data may still exist on the network, and if EMI are scummy enough to subpoena records from my ISP, they may well be able to hunt you people down like the undeserving animals they think you are. I would hope they have more sense.

  EMI can take my little website away if they like, but six more will pop up in its place. I will see to it personally. They can tell me what and what not to make, but in so doing they are challenging me to outdo myself. They can sue me, but I will succeed in making a case for fair use. Copyright law in the United States is meant to protect extant material. The Beachles never existed before I created them. They are in no way intended as an explicit infringement of EMI’s copyright. I created this record as a work of satire. It is a semi-sadistic commentary on the dismal mash-up phenomenon, and a meager tribute to two of the greatest pop bands of the 20th century. And what’s wrong with that, really?

  Also, I’m not going to spend too much longer on this, but there seem to be a few mewling crybabies who still don’t understand why this record sounds the way it does. Let me clear this up. Being out of tune and sloppy is the last thing one would expect from a Beatles and Beach Boys mash-up. Any sane human would expect it to be melodic and perfectly in time. We would expect it to be crafted meticulously, over the course of years, by Brian Eno and Ray Kurzweil in a secret underground laboratory. We would expect the very best of its creator.

  Contradistinctively, the last thing we would expect is for it to be carelessly scrapped together by some hillbilly schmuck with a laptop, just like every other mash-up in existence. It is, simply, a playful demonstration of how well these songs complement one another, in spite of their many differences. If publicity was really what I wanted out of this, I would have made it infinitely more listenable, and doing so would’ve been just as easy. If you didn’t like the Beachles, I suggest that you listen to the Shaggs, who Frank Zappa once said were better than the Beatles. Get a bit of perspective. If you did enjoy yourself, however, I will gladly high-five you at my earliest convenience. Power to the people!

  For those of you who still  don’t understand, I’ll make it easy for you. I am the first to question the artistic legitimacy of this product. What it lacks in concordance and integrity, it more than makes up for in bad taste and impetuosity. Anyway, listen—I’m not gonna hold your hand through this. To anyone who didn’t enjoy this record: thank you for providing the punchline to an otherwise meaningless joke. You’re all winners in my book, though unfortunately there is no booby prize. Ciao!

In Your Face.


  Okay, here is the full C&D, just as it appeared in my inbox. For months now, the GYBO dorks have been insinuating that I never received one, and I feel like enough time’s gone by that I don’t really need to worry about posting it anymore. Normally I wouldn’t give in to such whimpering infants, but they deserve to be proven wrong, and then shot in the face. I’ve stitched it together from screen captures, but other than that it appears unedited. Click on the image below to enlarge it.


Gestures of Kindness

  1. I just sent a long message that didn’t go through. Anyhow the jist of it was, that you didn’t advertise for it more than to personal friends, and so the fact that people found your personal recreation in a search engine is no fault of your own. The “public showing” argument from the copyright laws shouldn’t apply here. Also, is it illegal to stream a dj set? It’s eesentially an elaborate dj performance no? There was more but that’s the short version. Talk to you soon and hope this turns out well.


    Gesture delivered by Arvo — @

  2. [Versón en castellano]

    ¡¡¡ Saludos, compañero!!!

    Desde Chile, solidariza otro plunderphonic artist como tú, Clayton.

    Hace un par de días reproduje en mi blogg el presente post – que pretendo traducir al castellano dentro de esta semana, y también enviaré a EMI /CAPITOL un mail en apoyo a tú gestión y en repudio a este nuevo atentado a la libertad de creación, producción y difusión artística.

    Cuenta con todo mi apoyo

    [English version]

    Greetings from Chile, Clay.

    I’m also a plunderphonic artist myself, so count on my total support.

    I’ve also reproduced your Beachles post here on one of my bloggs – i’ll translate it to Spanish during the week. I’m also writing an e-mail to EMI /CAPITOL which I’ll also post here.

    Keep resisting!

    Gesture delivered by gfr — @

  3. Thank you, friends. And how the Hell are you, Arvo? Looks like I’ll be speaking about copyright sometime in November at Belmont University in Nashville. If anyone feels like attending, I’ll be sure and get you the info.

    Also, I want to briefly address some concerns that I’m deleting negative feedback from my comments. Well, truth be known, I have no interest in keeping comments that read, “Dute – y 4 u no meka sumthin’ kewl like Da Gray Albumn?!”

    This is my digital real estate, so if you have nothing constructive to offer, get the fuck bent. There’s a whole wide World Wide Web out there. Go get ’em, Tiger! Although it should be noted that I have accepted some unflattering reviews here, and they all have one thing in common: they are polite.

    Get a clue, you whining little bitches. I never said this record was even remotely listenable, but some people obviously think it is. Take it up with them.

    Gesture delivered by Clayton — @

  4. I can’t believe the same folks that are re-hashing Pet Sounds yet again this year to make some coin are harassing you about something that couldn’t possibly take any money out of their pockets anyway.

    I’m a huge Brian Wilson geek, and have gladly paid over and over and over for various permutations of Pet Sounds. I’m also a big fan of artists getting paid, and I respect that, but this just reeks of corporate greed.

    Maybe they should spend more time putting together some new Pet Sounds product we haven’t heard before, and less time threatening the little guy.


    Gesture delivered by Ray — @

  5. Here’s the letter I just sent:

    Dear Capitol/EMI:

    I am writing this letter today in protest of the recent legal actions you have initiated against Clayton Counts.

    My collection of Beach Boys records, and consequently my contributions to your bottom line, could best be described as enormous and nearly completist. I have purchased every re-issue of Pet Sounds in the past, on both vinyl and CD. I’ve also purchased nearly every Beach Boys product Capitol Records has ever released, including a few several times over. I say this only to point out the fact that by any stretch of the imagination, I represent the best type of customer Capitol could possibly have. I have endured countless retreads of mostly the same old product, and throughout have remained a loyal customer.

    I find your legal threats against Mr. Counts and his “Beachles” mash-up to be completely baseless, as no one hearing “The Beachles” would forgo purchasing either Pet Sounds or Sgt. Pepper’s because they had already heard it via Mr. Counts’ work.

    Aside from the fact that I find your attacks on the little guy distasteful to say the least, I find it highly ironic that you would pursue such an action mere weeks after yet another re-issue of Pet Sounds, especially one that includes virtually nothing that a moderately astute Brian Wilson fan hasn’t already purchased and seen or heard elsewhere before.

    Frankly, Capitol Records would be much better served spending their time putting together worthwhile packages of material that fans have not heard before, instead of suing artists that are spurring interest in your existing products.

    Pet Sounds is my favorite album of all time, but how many more times can you re-release it? I have not yet purchased the 40th anniversary re-issue of Pet Sounds, because it’s largely material I’ve seen and heard before, and already own. The fact that you refuse to offer a commercially interesting product while attempting to sue art out of existence is utterly baffling to me. Mr. Counts is not your enemy, but whoever decided to rehash the same material again and again and again, with very little added content certainly is.

    Give me something worthwhile to buy, and I’ll gladly buy it. In the meantime, let artists be artists.

    Gesture delivered by Ray — @

  6. Hey man as a DJ I agree that record companies think they run things. Aside from the older genres of music, IE: Sgt Pepper etc…, I really want to say “come up with something original” I recently listened to the Young Joc CD and I have to say everything that was on that album was in another song. It was like they just made one track and remixed it 12 times or so. Part of this problem is todays youth, but when MTV controls what kids listen to, that is a problem. They control what is played and what is not. That is NOT FREEDOM. I could go on and on about what I think. Who really cares except the millions of people out there that want new music and freedom of what can be played!

    Gesture delivered by DJ Shorty — @

  7. They are in a losing battle. Even Paul said he heard and like the grey album.

    The record companies are desperate because they know that distribution has changed and they really can’t control anything nor can they rob us anymore.

    I would love to hear a copy some time.

    Gesture delivered by Steven — @

  8. I must say, I just got a chance to hear your Beachles production and uh, what can I say.

    EMI is not the party that should be preparing to sue you but if I were Sir Paul or Brian Wilson I’d hire a virtual hitman because it’s not really a parody, that is if your definition of a parody amounts to something different than a flagrant assassination of a piece of art.

    Gesture delivered by Aldes — @

  9. It is indeed a parody of mash-up culture, a la djBC and his unavailing ilk. But you’re right… I deserve to be killed for what I’ve done. But don’t you mean two  pieces of art?

    Were you just trying to be funny, or are you really that stupid? Does it hurt?

    This record is more akin to Mrs. Miller than anything else. Next time, though, I’m going to mash-up two mash-up records. That should be a riot.

    Or else I’ll write a mash-up novel: The Diarrhea of Anne Frankenstein.

    Thanks for listening, douchebag, and please go flatten the musical panorama some more. I don’t think it’s completely dead yet.

    Cheers to everyone else!

    Gesture delivered by Clayton — @

  10. as someone who used to represent both musicians and emi corporate, i can tell you that the purpose of emi is not to promote and support music, but to PREVENT it.

    Gesture delivered by mf — @

  11. what the fuck are we talkin’ about?
    this is a wonderful idea…
    a funny idea…

    Gesture delivered by god — @

  12. hey man – congratulations on the fact that EMI predictably took you and your project from total obscurity to priceless promotion and notoriety by issuing their cease and desist. i wouldn’t worry too much about a legal department that creates a problem for itself where there once was none.

    Gesture delivered by james a. golff — @

  13. I don’t know you, but I love you, okay?

    Gesture delivered by glAMOURpuss — @

  14. I didn’t hear about this album until all this brouhaha. I only wish that I had had a chance to listen to or download it before EMI got to it. Good luck with this.

    Gesture delivered by Liz — @

  15. Well, if you’d really like to download it, there’s a chance that it’s available on Soulseek, or else via torrent search engines like Isohunt.com.

    Good luck!

    And thanks, glAMOURpuss. I hardly know me, either, so that makes two of us.

    Gesture delivered by Clayton — @

  16. I DO know you, and I love you, Okay?

    Gesture delivered by Shanalicious — @

  17. Aw, Shanerlies!

    You know I love you back, right? Well, it’s true! Muah!

    Gesture delivered by Clayton — @

  18. I already had Sgt Peppers – now I own Pet Sounds too – I bet I’m not the only one curious enough to pick up the original because of your mashup album.

    Gesture delivered by Rob — @


    Gesture delivered by FOREVERMAN — @

  20. Good Night and Good Luck…George Clooney made this movie because Edward R Murrow the legend at CBS NEWS at the dawn of television news;who took on and took out Joseph McCarthy…the legendary prick who did the comunist witch hunt and Hollywood blacklist deal of the 1950’s.George Clooney loved Murrow because he had the balls to do the unthinkable.And someone needs to tell Clooney and Hollywood about CLAYTON COUNTS!!!Because he is the Edward R Murrow of our time in many respects. In news you have Bill at HBO ant the Comedy Central Boys.But my point is that Mr. Counts is going to have a big impact on our culture…and is due comparison to icons in history…That the frigin WORLD IS NOT FLAT!!AND HE STEPS UP TO THE PLATE AND SAYS…”I AM PICASSO”…And I don’t care if you think it looks like art or not.KEEP KICKING ASS CLAYTON!I can’t wait for your next project!!!

    Gesture delivered by foreveroad — @

  21. Comments are closed. Too many Viagra ads. Many thanks to everyone, God bless, and best wishes.

    Gesture delivered by Clayton — @